US Secretary of War’s fund manager asks him to fire just one more services chief

{Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and does not present itself as the truth. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.}

The US Secretary of War Pete Hegseth’s wealth fund manager, Stan “The Man” Leebovitz, has asked him to fire just one more military service chief to make some money.

“Yeah, firing that guy Randy is good to cash in on some of our shorts, but let’s sweeten that deal a bit,” he said to the US war czar, referring to the sacking of US Chief of Army Staff General Randy George on Friday.

“Ooh, I’ve shorted so many stocks, Pete, you don’t even know,” he said.

“Hey, I’m not picky, it could be the Navy guy, or the Marines or the Air Force, I don’t care,” he said. “Yeah, I draw the line at the Coast Guard or even the National Guard Bureau chief. It’s got to pack a punch to set the markets going.”

“Yeah, I know my place, I’m not asking for the CENTCOM chief,” he said, referring to Admiral Brad Cooper, current chief of the US Central Command, which is overseeing the attack on Iran. Hegseth, however, said that though he wasn’t making any promises, even that might not be off the cards.

The conversation between Leebovitz and his client took place not in a private location but in a podcast Money Talks, highlighting the Wall Street’s relaxed demeanour in recent years after the realisation that keeping up the appearance of avoiding conflicts of interest wasn’t worth the trouble anymore.