Indian TV anchors condemn Pakistan’s efforts to solve Indian LPG crisis

{Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and does not present itself as the truth. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.}

NEW DELHI - The Indian government has condemned Pakistan’s efforts to solve one of the biggest energy crises that India has seen in recent history.

The Pakistani government is currently playing a mediatory role in the ongoing military conflict between Iran and the United States of America, with peace talks being held in the capital, Islamabad. Vice President JD Vance is going to be leading the American delegation, while Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi is going to be representing his nation in a much-publicised peace negotiation between the warring sides that have been in a state of confrontation for the past six weeks.

That state of confrontation has led to the Iranian government blocking the Strait of Hormuz, which has, in turn, resulted in choking off 90 percent of India’s import of Liquified Petroleum Gas (LPG), which itself constitutes to be about 60 percent of its total LPG consumption.

“Pakistan should not punch above its weight and stay in its auqaat,” said Sudhir Chaudhry, Editor-in-Chief of DD News. “It should not try to undertake what seems to be the best shot at resolving our current crisis.”

These words were echoed by fellow anchor Arnab Goswami, Editor-in-Chief of Republic News.

“The current crisis isn’t a crisis, as such. It is only the result of panic buying,” he said. “If so many people queue up to buy the stuff, of course there will be shortages.”

“Is that panic warranted, you ask? Of course it is, we have only 20 bloody days of strategic reserves of LPG, despite knowing full well the crisis that was brewing there.”