Where is femininity in the corporate world?

The corporate world is brutal. It is also probably ten times worse for women. 

Not only do women have to deal with gender discrimination at the workplace during the hiring process, everything from compensation decisions to career acceleration is impacted by either conscious or unconscious systemic gender discrimination. And as if that weren’t enough, they also have to go through somewhat of an identity crisis. Because corporate environments are often so hostile to women and traditionally feminine traits, to fit in women end up having to lose bits of themselves to appease to the standard.

While this is not a Pakistan specific problem and is a global issue as well, it is still important to discuss it in our context. As a woman, I often wonder why I have to forgo my femininity to make it big in the corporate world. It makes very little sense, especially considering men do not have to tone down their masculinity in the corporate world. In fact, masculinity and aggressiveness are lauded in most corporate environments – the more the better they say. 

A little disclaimer here is that I believe every individual has the right to make choices for themselves and this is in no way me saying all women should be a certain way at work. Instead, this piece is me questioning the very system we operate in that makes one make changes in a personality subconsciously in order to excel and move ahead in a career.

Social conditioning

Before I move onto the corporate world, I’m going to take an example from the public sphere instead to make a point about how rhetoric and conversations impact one’s decisions about their personality.

Hina Rabbani Khar served as the Foreign Minister for Pakistan in the Zardari administration during the early 2010s. She was also the youngest person to serve in the post, as well as the only woman to ever hold the office. She is also the first woman to present the national budget, an event that happened more than six decades after partition. 

A graduate of the LUMS and U Mass – Amherst, Khar was a qualified and in many ways empowered foreign minister that possessed both poise and elegance that is required in a position that is as representative and embelic as it is technical and important. Yet despite this, her entire tenure as foreign minister was dominated by media discourse about her fashion and style sense. 

For context, Khar’s style oozed sophistication and professionalism. However, it was also feminine. You knew she cared about how she looked and was not shy to show that she was a woman.

I don’t think I remember many or any TV packages for that matter discussing what shows, ties, cufflinks male politicians were wearing. That double standard made it seem like Khar was in the wrong. As a young impressionable teen, it embedded into my mind that it would’ve been easier for her had she been a plane Jane. That is how the media made me feel that I could not truly be myself if I wanted to be taken seriously.

{Note from editorial staff: The double standard is even more stark when you consider the variety of fashion choices male politicians have made. From as far back as Nawabzada Nasrullah’s Fez with a tassel to more recent times when Mian Shehbaz Sharif has sported a fedora and cowboy boots – very little has been made of some of the sillier choices made by these powerful men} 

Similarly, flash forward to the 2020s. Maryam Nawaz has risen in prominence. The very fact that her style is always up for discussion is proof of the dual standards. Moreover, some even went on to say she shouldn’t have looked so glamorous at her son’s wedding if she wants to be taken seriously as a politician.

Despite being an adult, I still feel that subliminally it made me believe that once my career progresses towards prominence, I too will have to go down the sober and plain route, something that doesn’t sit well with me. 

There is nothing wrong with being feminine

Here’s a little anecdote. One day at work, I was browsing the internet and looking up Pakistani women that had climbed the corporate ladder and made it to the top. My colleague and I joked, “Apparently, if we want to make it up there, we’ve got to get haircuts, preferably a boy cut.”

While correlation and causation are two different things, and everyone has their own personal style, preference, reasons; the thought dawned on the both of us – did these women kill a certain part of themselves for the world to take them seriously?

Look at the small puddle (intentionally not pool or pond) of women that have made it to the top ranks and C-suites in corporate Pakistan. Do you not feel that at some point early on in their career they faced a realization that they need to act more like a man or try to make themselves seem less feminine?

If that is the case, then it is a sad one. There is nothing wrong with being feminine. There is nothing weak, passive, or incapable in being feminine. Being feminine should not result in being infantilized, seen as a target, an attention seeker or unprofessional.

You can still be professional and true to your gender and to yourself. You should not have to hid the true you at a place you spend most of your time at. That not only brings about a form of imposter syndrome, copycat mechanisms, and further judgment – but adds to the echo chamber already existent. Moreover, encouraging women to no longer act on their instincts results in the generation of ideas that most likely lack genuine gendered perspective.

Is there a solution?

This isn’t something you can fix overnight, especially considering the fact that this isn’t just restricted to Pakistan.

For starters, better workplace safety and gender sensitivity training. The very fact that women that express their femininity at work or in how they carry themselves are seen as “asking for it”, is testament that the system is actively discouraging people to be themselves.

Moreover, women would largely feel more comfortable being themselves if there were more women in the workforce, especially the corporate world.

However, if women feel the same way as me, they also need to realize the solution starts from them too. Next time you see a woman expressing her femininity in any way – be it her ideas, demeanor, style, etc; don’t judge and be a Mean Girl. Don’t discredit her. There are countless anecdotes I’ve heard from women where they say their female boss and colleagues make the workplace difficult for them despite understanding and going through what they’re going through. Rise above that, women. Stand up for one another.

While reversing social conditioning is a long process, this is a message to all the readers, please stop thinking that the manly way is the only way. The world is diverse and our different perspectives, quirks, personalities, and demeanors are what make it interesting.

As someone that is still learning and growing, it took a while for me to realize that I no longer have to hide a significant side of me. There are times I’m treated like I’m weak, unknowledgeable. There are also times where I’m discredited and told off that the only reason I’m moving along in my career is because I’m a woman. In response to that, I just be myself. There is certain bliss when you realize you don’t have to let go of a part of you to be taken seriously, you can do that with your work or actions. Besides, you don’t have to please everyone.

After feeling that bliss, I genuinely wish other women in the workforce are able to feel the same way someday.