{Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and does not present itself as the truth. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.}
ISLAMABAD – In what experts are calling “Pakistan’s most promising revenue stream since the invention of the withholding tax,” the Ministry of Finance confirmed Tuesday that as much as one-third of the federal deficit could be financed simply by suing political YouTubers living abroad.
The revelation came moments after UK communications regulator OfCom issued yet another six-figure penalty to a UK-based Pakistani commentator for “libel, fabrication, and continuous violation of basic decency norms, including but not limited to extended rants filmed inside parked cars.”
According to officials, Islamabad’s macroeconomic planners—long accused of lacking creativity—have finally found an innovative solution.
“Exports are down, remittances are volatile, and the IMF wants documentation of literally everything,” said one senior ministry source, rifling through a spreadsheet titled Projected Earnings from Defamation-Adjacent Diaspora Personalities. “But these YouTubers? They’re basically a renewable resource.”
Opposition Figures Fuming
Inside the opposition ranks—already strained by arrests, court cases, and mysterious disappearances—many expressed quiet frustration that YouTubers were earning more from sensationalized thumbnails than entire political parties earn from fundraisers.
One senior PTI leader, speaking on condition of anonymity because even mentioning these YouTubers increases their subscriber count, said:
“We’re getting jailed, and they’re getting monetized. At this point, both the Form-47 government and we want them demonetized for different reasons.”
A New Fiscal Instrument: The YouTuber Fine Bond
Buoyed by early estimates, the ministry has proposed issuing “YouTuber Fine-Backed Securities” (YFBS), a new class of sovereign paper whose repayment will be secured entirely by court-ordered penalties on vloggers based in the UK, US and Canada, and “that one bearded bald PM House bath-tub guy.”
Analysts say the instrument could finally diversify Pakistan’s debt portfolio.
“Traditional Eurobonds? Too risky. Sukuk? Market saturated. But diaspora political drama? Now that is uncorrelated yield,” said Karachi-based economist Dr Haider Mugheez.
YouTubers Respond: With Longer Videos
In response to the government’s fiscal optimism, several political YouTubers have announced plans to increase the frequency and emotional intensity of their broadcasts.
One prominent vlogger promised “Shocking revelations about what happened on the 7th of November- Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3, exclusively for members.”
Sources say monetization is expected to rise sharply until the moment the summons arrives.
