{Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and does not present itself as the truth. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.}
Merely hours into the first day of the new digital media startup Haashia were 37 employees laid off in an attempt to cut costs.
“We were looking at the books and nothing seemed to add up in this environment of media economics,” said Sahoor Zaidi, Chief Financial Officer at Haashia, speaking to reporters, two of whom were amongst the fired 37.
“Why didn’t we do this calculation from earlier on, before hiring, and even poaching people from other media organisations, you ask? Well, I did. And I also clearly said as much to the management at just about every opportunity I got,” he said, responding to a question. “But they just kept saying I didn’t have any ‘vision’, whatever that meant.”
News publications the world over have faced a crisis as print advertising has shifted online, where it can find much cheaper, and more effective options.
“Other than niche, specialised outlets, there really isn’t much space for online ads in the general news segment,” said Haider Khan, over at the Centre for Excellence in Journalism at Quaid-e-Azam University. “I mean yes, there might be legacy brands in the general news section that could carry on, but not new setups.”
The government has responded to the news with empathy and information minister Attaullah Tarar has said that though the Ministry of Information and Broadcasting would not be able to get the fired journalists jobs, they would nevertheless buy them the lunch that they will have when they have been fired.
When contacted, the CEO and Chief Editor of the publication, Ismail Bhatti said that this was only a minor hiccup in the trajectory of what is a solid company.
“I assure you things are well settled, and our books are balanced and all our employees are in the clear for at least a couple of more days,” he said.
