{Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and does not present itself as the truth. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.}
ISLAMABAD – In a move applauded by consumer watchdogs but criticised by the private healthcare and education sectors, the Competition Commission of Pakistan (CCP) on Tuesday fined five gynecology hospitals after uncovering a “vertical integration scheme” that required newborn babies to be immediately enrolled in the hospital group’s kindergarten — with contractual obligations to continue to its primary and secondary schools.
According to the inquiry report, parents signing admission forms for delivery wards were simultaneously required to sign a separate “Education Pathway Application,” committing their child to an uninterrupted 18-year relationship with the company’s “Baby-to-Boardroom™ Educational Pipeline.”
The hospitals’ management insisted that this was “not coercion” but “customer lifetime value optimization.”
“We are not forcing anything,” argued Dr. Mobeen Usmani, CEO of MothersFirst Healthcare Group. “We are merely positioning our infants to unlock long-term synergies and productivity outcomes in a globalizing world.”
Parents who chose to opt out were reportedly told that the hospital could not “guarantee the child’s cognitive development” without access to the group’s “Early-Stage Corporate Citizenship Curriculum.”
In one case cited by the CCP, a premature baby was placed on a ventilator only after a guardian digitally signed an addendum for “future SAT prep services.”
MothersFirst Healthcare Group had also introduced a “Performance Ranking System” for toddlers, offering “merit-based discounts” on C-sections if parents prepaid for Grade 8 board exam coaching.
Industry insiders say this business model reflects a growing trend toward education–healthcare convergence, where companies seek to monetize “customer potential” from the moment of birth.
“Hospitals can’t survive on medical revenue alone anymore,” said one Karachi-based analyst. “The real money is in extended childhood monetization.”
The CCP has ordered all five hospitals to discontinue bundled education plans, cancel outstanding promissory notes for school tuition, and return confiscated security cheques taken “as commitment to long-term learning.”
However, hospital owners have warned that such regulatory interference risks “discouraging foreign investment in the neonatal development sector.”
